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Monday, June 30, 2008

A Deliciously Shameful Addiction

There is one important HEALing strategy that I neglected to mention in my four cornerstones of KuKd survival: developing and fostering an addiction to (or obsession with) something that feels good, and reveling in it. I'm sure it fits into HEAL somewhere - perhaps part of Embrace your childless self? Oh, how I love vices! I picked up plenty of them after what I shall hereby refer to as the Ultimate Shitty Event (that is, losing little Zachary), and I'll go into those later. For now, I'll just talk briefly about one in particular that's come to dominate my life:

TEBOW, aka Baby Boo, Scruffy Boy, Widdle Boy.
Cats and dogs have always made me sneeze and wheeze. But six weeks after the Ultimate Shitty Event, I was so full of pent-up mothering energy that I felt I might seriously start carrying a stuffed teddybear around at work and talking to it. I really didn't want to be that person. So I decided not to be allergic anymore, and told K that I needed a little furry friend to nurture. K was reluctant, for we've always said that a pet wouldn't fit in with our cram-clothes-in-a-backpack-and-catch-the-next-flight-to-wherever mode of travel. But I SO didn't care at that point. So K finally agreed to it (that's one nice thing about baby loss; as the woman in the relationship, it's a really prime time to get exactly what you want), and we wrote a ridiculous, embarrassing $550 check for puppy with an even more ridiculous, embarrassing namesake: a Westipoo. No, he wasn't a poor, abused creature from the shelter. There was no higher good associated with this transaction, nothing progressive-minded or benevolent about it. It was just an exchange of goods and services for the pure, selfish, I-don’t-give-a-shit purpose of indulging myself in puppy love.

Not much different from buying meth on the street, really.

Whether you are a KuKd Strong Momma or Inquisitive Guest, any other addictions or life-saving indulgences you care to add here?


Sharon said...

Hey Monica, I LOVE reading your blog, considering the Ultimate Shitty Event that you have survived, I'm in awe as to how you've managed to maintain your fabulous sense of humour!

As for vices to help me cope my losses, my favorite one used to be smoking, till I quit 3 years ago. I could puff away at at least two packs of 30 in the early days after a loss.
Food is another one of mine, very bad I know and one of the reasons I now visit a dietician. I've used food to comfort, soothe and heal myself after every loss, because nothing can take away the pain and emptiness inside, so I try to stuff the painful gaping wound with food.
My other vice is wine, Oooh I LOVE my red wine.
And lastly, my doggies. My doggies have become my babies and have everything any human child could want. Sick I know, especially because I live in a third world country were half the population are worse off than my dogs.
Your boy is ADORABLE.

Sara said...

Wine & chocolate - definitely. It also seems like my Shitty Events are the only time I get pedicures or facials.

Anonymous said...

Nobody ever admits to their comforting friend Mary Jane. Which makes sense, because, um, it's illegal and all. But I'll stand up (anonymously) for all the stoners KuKd'd. And I'll wager I'm not the only one who who renames their bud "Wine" or "Beer" ...