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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Shifting Universes

Hello Sweet Lattes!

K and I returned yesterday from our five-week trip, essentially marking the one-year anniversary our son's dirth (birth + death - what else is one supposed to call it? somebody think of a new word!)

A year ago today, things were just different. To feed my addiction to socializing, I had founded the Seattle Urban Expecting Parents Meet-Up group, which has now grown to 130 couples and changed hands, and I was dragging K to prego-couple outings left and right. I was expecting a baby in less than two months, and had mapped out kid-friendly bars in the area, which is key. Tebow didn't exist (gasp!), which is now unfathomable to me, and we didn't know Tom and Corinne, our dear couple-with-no-kids friends in Seattle, which is equally unfathomable. And there certainly wasn't any of my favorite drinky-drink in the fridge. Golly gosh, it's astonishing to me how suddenly and dramatically our entire personal universes can change, just like that!

Speaking of shifting personal universes, have you ever undergone a traumatic event, and then later had somebody else go through the same thing, placing you suddenly in the role of consoler instead of needer? It's a trip, let me tell you.

A very excellent Hoard-able Friend Who Shall Not Be Named (per the "H" in KuKd Survival Tactics ) just had a two-month miscarriage. :-( This put me in the cosmically strange position of, for the first time since becoming a KuKd Tribeswoman myself, being the one to grieve for a close friend and her lost fetus, of the little person that fetus would have become, of juxtaposing my own experience with hers, and of having to think of what to say. And to my relief, having gone through it myself, thinking of what to say was much easier for me than it would have been two years ago. The words just tumbled out of my brain.

The thing about the KuKd Tribe is that it really isn't that cool - not something anyone WANTS to belong to. It's not like, call 1-800-PREG0-NO today, pay your membership fees and get a free commemorative KuKd brooch! Operators are standing by to take your call! So, I really can't say to this hoard-able friend of mine something like, "welcome to the club!"

I suppose it could be considered a desirable club, like a club of survivors. A tribe of strong people. I could change KuKd to KuKdS, to include the survivors aspect of it, but that sounds a bit too rah-rah feel-goody to me.

OK, off to complete one of my new resolutions from my last post: eat some bacon.

PS - K unexpectedly projectile vomited this morning! He thinks it's from the tofu stir-fry I made last night, but I find that doubtful. Isn't tofu like the most benign food ever, besides Cream of Wheat? I think it was from the chicken on Luftansa Airlines.


sharonvw said...

Mon, yup, its a strange creature KuKd. For me anyway, I didn't want any of my family or friends to experience it, it is so awful, but I felt a sense of relief when a friend of mine experienced her miscarriage, kind of like I knew I wasn't some freak of nature, that it could happen to anybody else and not just to me. Sick hey?

corinne said...

hiya sweetcakes! wow - i'm not almost famous :) so happy you're nearby again...hope to see you tomorrow night. hope the kevlar doesn't have norwalk virus and is feeling up to drinkin' some drinkies.

Sweetpea said...

Welcome back! Sorry you came home to bad news with your good friend - but then, I guess it was a good thing you did come home to her so you could say those things you probably would have wanted to hear when you were going through it.

Sounds to me like Ks vomiting might have more to do with the flight. I get sick almost every time after flying, usually colds but occasionally food related issues (not surprising, really, considering the quality of that food). Hope he feels better soon.

Monica LeMoine said...

Shaz - I totally know what you mean. KuKd is a lonely feeling, and it IS sickly comforting to know that we aren't the only freakos out there! But still, sad.