Greetings Strong KuKd Mommas and Brave Guests Who Dare to Set Foot in this Emotionally Charged Talkspace for Reproductively Effed-Up Women!
First, I thought I'd start this post with a virtual shout out to all my lovin' peeps out there who I know are regularly popping in to this blog, and sometimes even commenting. I've often felt that blogging is a rather one-sided and unhealthy kind of relationship. One person blabs on and on while the others - that entity called "my readers," passively listen - occasionally adding a remark or two - but getting nothing in response. How wholly unsatisfying!
So that you don't suddenly decide you've had it with this kind of dysfunctional and unbalanced mode of conversing, I thought it best to just make it known that I drink up your commentary like nectar from a lotus blossom, and post comments of my own when I can. I may not respond to all of your comments directly via personal e-mail, largely because I can't figure out how to do it on Blogger (tips, anyone??), but also because I sometimes just can't make that happen. One day, I hope to be like Shaz, who is one of the social QUEENS of the KuKd blogg-o-culture, and one of the most attentive and caring and personally welcoming KuKd Mommas I know. She ALWAYS writes me back, so I know she's listening. To my own dear readers, I do know and love that you're here!
OK, glad to have scraped that junk out of my system. And now, the moment you've been waiting for! This week's KuKd Word:
"SO HONEY" QUESTION - a passively nosy question asked by an older female relative, usually one's own mother, in an attempt to glean some information about your reproductive status.
The best example comes from my own dear mother, bless her heart.
"So, honey, your dad and I were wondering if you've given any more thought to that gender selection thing? You know, the sperm-spinning thing to try to have a baby girl? Because, if you decide you want to do that, we can certainly help you with the money. It'll be our treat."
Okay, let's analyze this particular "So Honey" question.
It starts with "so," giving the impression of a new and offhanded remark - not particularly relevant to anything or all that important. Just passive and innocent, right? Throw in a "honey" to sweeten the conversational pot - of COURSE she's only asking me this because she cares about me, and not because she really wants to know. I'm her honey after all; how could I possibly NOT confide in her.
Notice the question mark after that first sentence - the upturn in tone at the very end. Again - a subtle attempt to give the impression of just an ordinary question - not at all nosy -nothing different from "how was your day at work yesterday?" A subtle yet clear indication of a "So Honey" question - listen carefully for those upturns.
Now, take careful note of the way my mom says "the sperm-spinning thing." So casual! Using such non-scientific terminology shows that she hasn't really looked into this procedure or given it more than a passing thought - she just happened to remember just now that it was something I'd mentioned months and months ago.
The final remark is my personal favorite - "it'll be our treat." A beautifully subtle way to get me to warm up to her question, perhaps feel less caught off-guard. Perhaps money IS the issue, and if so, she does need to know about it. Just in case, you know, that's the ONLY thing that's getting in the way of her getting a grandchild. May as well cover all bases.
There are other examples- but that's a nice classic one to start you off with. Oh, where would I be without my mom's "So Honey" Questions! I mean that - my mom is one of the most stellar and adorable - albeit nosy - people I know. And you know what? At the heart of the So Honey Question, as much as I laugh at it, is one of the saddest truths about KuKd: we non-productive gals want our mommies to be happy, and there ain't much that makes 'em happier than a grandkid. I can only WISH that all it took was some $$$ and I'd be guaranteed a lovely living baby. I'd say yeah Mom - treat me! Please!
For now though, I'll just keep hedging, and fumble for the right way to give enough info to satisfy, but not so much that I feel all gross discussing my sex life with my mother. Blegh.