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Monday, October 6, 2008

Facing the Scary Agent, and Other News

Greetings, KuKd Strong Mommas and Inquisitive Guests!

A few of you have asked me for news flashes on this and that, so here you go.

1) Book - I am finally crafting a query packet to send to some publishers and agents. Eeeeeek! Somebody pass the Tums! This book became a sprawling (albeit cathartic) monster of a project, once I realized that, oh yeah - I actually have to somehow articulate a theme for my book! That is, my book has to actually be about something other than my own neurotic cancernoia! Imagine that. I think I've got some themes laid out, but still, rejection looms large.

I can picture exactly how it happens: a thick envelope containing my first five chapters lands on a tired agent's desk at 5:00pm while he or she is just getting ready to go meet friends for happy hour. He or she opens it up, sees the word "miscarriage" in the middle of a paragraph, and goes oh no. Another sappy survivor story. Boo fucking hoo. That's it. And then a gigantic leaden mallet with "YOU'RE A LOSER" comes down hard and goes BOOM really loud, I can hear it echoing all the way from that agent's swank office in uptown Manhattan. I'm already bracing myself.

2) Genes + stress = tooth grinding, and yes, I'm still doing it. I grind even during the day (not THAT kind of grinding, puh-leez!), as I've caught myself doing, usually when thinking about fertawindows and such. The last time I went in, the dentist stuck something in my mouth without warning and shaved some peaks off my right molar, making burnt-tooth-smelling smoke come out of my mouth. I personally thought it was: a) really mean to do that without telling me first; and b) counterintuitive to wear down an already-worn-down molar in hopes of somehow curbing the grinding effects. I've been meaning to look up her dental credentials online but haven't gotten to it yet.

3) Dark elixer - back on it full swing. Even brought an espresso machine to work, as if THAT isn't setting myself up for failure. Oh well; life is short.

4) No, I am not pregnant. You'll be the first to know if I am. Well, not really, but you'll be number ten or eleven at least.


Kristen said...

First, don't listen to Monica. Her book is going to freakin' rock. I feel like I should start preordering copies right now!

Second, Monica, I think the tooth grinding thing is contagious. I'm starting to do it too. And I don't like it. Long ago I had acupuncture for a tight jaw (yes, needles at the back of my jaw) and the effects lasted until now. That was a good 5 years. Looks like it's time for more.

Third, every time I look at your blog I get that song "I get knocked down, but I get up again, can anybody keep me down..." in my head. I will never hear that song again without thinking of you.

Monica LeMoine said...

Well good, Kristen, I always felt I had a strong connection with that band Tubthumper. Don't do any preording just yet, unless you want a dogeared manuscript junk written all over it.

eggorchicken said...

1. With your writing style, insight and (occasionally dark) humour, your book is definitely going to rock the world!

2. I'd definitely work on finding a new dentist - ouch! :)

3. LOL, enjoy it, it's well deserved.

4. Now *that's* a post worth looking out for :)


sharonvw said...

Hey Mon, I hope you're going to arrange to have a special copy of your book sent to me all the way down here. No doubt it will not be available in SA for years to come! Ugh!

Monica LeMoine said...

Yvonne and Shaz, well thank you for the words of encouragement. You all get signed copies with lipstick kiss marks on the inside front cover.

Michelle said...

I LOVE your writing! Your book is going to be the most awesomest!!! I can't wait to read it!

I grind my teeth as well but only when I am sleeping. My husband wakes me up to tell me to stop.

I agree life is short! enjoy!

Someday soon...:)

Viktoria said...

I'm with Kristen; ready to preorder copies for everyone I know, especially my family who just don't get it or even seem to try. We all know you'll get a big book deal and then go on Oprah and jump on her couch.

Katie said...

Woo hoooo I can't wait for the book!!!! BTW what is up with the tooth thing? This past month I wake up with my jaw so super duper sore, and I catch myself clenching my jaw throughout the day! :( Weird