Greetings, KuKd Strong Mommas and Inquisitive Guests!
Today's strange thought:
Our skulls are thin, and anything could crush them at any moment. As humans, we are literally like these walking bags of naked vulnerability. Sometimes I fantasize in all seriousness about requiring K to wear a helmet everywhere he goes. Biking, driving, shopping, eating, hiking, teaching, whatever. Just as some added protection, because I can't bear the thought of something falling on his head and potentially snuffing out his life. I've talked to my friend in D.C. about this, and she agreed that we have thin skulls, but her agreement stopped there.
I always seem to choke up at the weirdest times, and never when I'm technically supposed to. Yesterday, I was technically supposed to.
That's because it wasPregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I knew that day was for me and K and our son. A day to dislodge those little pockets of grief still hidden inside and manhandle them for an evening. Blow my nose loudly. Look at Zach's pictures and feel something. Light candles for my baby boy. Light more candles for baby Elijah, Matthew, Anika, Persephone, Colin and Ryan, who joined Zach in his trip to the MTV's RealHeaven Penthouse for Knocked Down Babies. Play a nauseating Celine Dion song in the background.
The problem was, I just wasn't feeling anything. It was a day of life, not of death, an ironically GOOD day actually, because I decided to take my last blog post to heart and find some life to revel in. So I did, and I'll explain exactly what that means in my next post. Boy, aren't you biting your nails in suspense now...
On the flip side, I did get upset a few months ago when we had visitors stay with us - K's old college roommate and his 5-months pregnant wife - and the wife said she was hungry. That was it. She said she was hungry. That was enough to set me off into a brow-furrowing, stomach-lurching bawl session while driving 70 mph in a 60 mile-an-hour zone on the freeway. No, the couple wasn't in the car with us, thank God. It was just me and K, who was glancing nervously at me and then at the road and then back at me. No, I don't need to pull over, I sobbed. But why does she get to be HUNGRY and I don't!!!!
Ah yes, if only everything were lovely and logical!