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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Poop Elves

Greetings, Flecks of Bulgar Wheat!

So we can't all produce babies. One thing we CAN do is keep our colons clean and happy with a high fiber diet, and that's just what I'm doing today. Tabouli salad for lunch, and tonight I'm making something involving flax meal - probably muffins. Not that I'm having any particular problems going number two at this moment - believe me, I'd tell you in great detail if that were the case - but I've lately just been in kind of a high-fiber mood.

I've told a few of my friends about this sick and twisted mental image I have of what goes on in the colon, and I'll share it with you too. I picture these little men called Poop Elves who live way up there inside you, and when it's time for you to go number two, they chant "heave ho!" in unison and - using all kinds of medieval looking tools - they push out the human waste. Sometimes they get tired, those little Poop Elves, and require some assistance in doing their job (kind of like sperm, as we discussed earlier). That's where fiber comes in; it's like a dose of vitamins, a physical strength booster.

Oh - and by the way - Shaz posted recently about strange search terms that had led readers to her blog. The one on the top of my own list is "my hamster miscarried." Yes, I did mention miscarrying hamsters at one point in this blog, and I'll give a dollar to whoever can find it. The real question is, can hamsters miscarry? For some reason that never occurred to me. And what happens when they do? Do they have counseling for that kind of thing? BOGS for hamsters? Support groups? The only reason I even mention this now is because I wonder what search terms will lead people to a post called Poop Elves.

8 comments:

Selmada said...

Apples are great for fibre too! Fall is apple season and one of my favorite times of the year. Add a couple of apples to your food plan. Try some new types too.

*~*Lis*~* said...

OMFG!!! It's a good thing I didn't have anything in my mouth because I would have spit it all over the screen!!!

Poop Elves - that should quality as a word of the week I think.

*~*Lis*~* said...

I may or may not have just walked into the other room and said to my kid "come here my little poop elf". Let's hope a 2 year olds memory isn't that great...

Monica LeMoine said...

Selmada - well thank you my dear, I honestly didn't realize apples were high fiber. Dried or fresh? Or does it matter?

Lis, please keep calling your child a Poop Elf.

sharonvw said...

You have to tell us what searches lead to Poop Elves!!!!

Rebecca said...

I'm a big fan of fiber, too, but my latest obsession coming out of the fertility quest is protein. After reading that women trying to get pregnant should get anywhere from 50 to 100 grams of protein a day (depending on who you believe), I realized that as a vegetarian, I sometimes go all day without eating anything with much protein (meat eaters have no problem eating a 100 grams of protein a day, and actually are more likely to be eating too much protein). So, I've added the quest to get at least 40 grams of protein a day to my (long) list of obsessive compulsive behaviors.

As I sit here reading your blog, I am eating high protein porridge for breakfast that I made from quinoa, millet, amaranth, flax and sesame seeds and seasoned with cardamon and cinnamon - and of course, topped with maple syrup and walnuts. This is good shit - not only is it high in protein, but its high in fiber too!!

Monica LeMoine said...

Rebecca, DANG that porridge sounds wicked! Those little Poop Elves love that shit, I'm sure. Didn't know about the protein and fertility thing. Really? That's good to know, since last night I ate a hunk o chicken for dinner.

Rebecca said...

Chicken'll do it for you. I am more inclined to eat a big old hunk of grilled tofu...and even turned my distinctly non-vegetarian family on to that recently!