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Thursday, October 23, 2008

Sometimes Motherly

Greetings, KuKd Strong Mommas and Inquisitive Guests!

One of the instructors I teach with asked me to do a reading from my manuscript for her students. The theme is something academic and literary-sounding, like "Motherhood, Redefined." It's a mind trip to be thought of as a Mom, isn't it? I grapple with this still.

Sometimes, when I'm wearing certain outfits, I literally feel like I fit the Mom part. Today, for example, I felt inclined to dress up a tiny bit because I was in charge of the welcome reception for immigrant/refugree students, so I sported brown corduroy jacket, hoop earings, a crimson scarf and shoes with heels. There's something about heels and a businessy jacket that remind me of something that a Mom would wear. You know, what she'd be wearing when she stopped by the daycare to pick up her kid after work.

I totally pictured myself as that mom, popping into the college daycare center, crouching down as my kid came running into my arms. His face would be all stained with chocolate pudding (gawd, at least I would HOPE it was pudding). He'd love my sparkly hoop earings and brown hair, and try to pull on both and put them in his mouth, and I wouldn't mind it so much.

On the other hand, there are the many times when I'm lounging around the house, watching the John Stewart Daily Show in sweats and a tank top, having not flossed three days in a row due to pure laziness, and occasionally belching loudly just to get K's attention. Doing decidely unmotherly things, like gathering clumps of hair that fall out in shower (does anyone else out there lose PROFUSE amounts of hair in the shower? Like, to the point where you wonder how on earth you can possibly not be bald at this point?) and - rather than doing the responsible thing and throwing it in the trash - just sticking it in the corner of the tub for somebody to deal with later (that somebody would be K, of course). That's not something a decent Mom would do.

Anyway, back to "Motherhood, Redefined." I'm still not sure what I should read just yet in my colleague's class. Maybe I'll read about the silver necklace I still wear - it has ZACHARY embossed on it(god, I love any excuse to use the word embossed, don't you!). I must feel motherly to some degree, for I haven't taken it off once since my friend KD sent it to me for Mother's Day. Not even when I'm belching and leaving hair all over the bathtub.


sharonvw said...

I understand why you'd grapple with that concept, sometimes when people remind me that I am a mother I want to remind them I'm not the type of mother anyone would want to be.
Good luck!

Michelle said...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I am a child playing "grown up".

Yes, I am always telling my husband that I think one day I will come out of the shower bald.

michelle said...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I am a child playing "grown up".

Yes, I am always telling my husband that I think one day I will come out of the shower bald.

Monica LeMoine said...

Shaz, yes - I know what you mean.

Michelle - glad you have the same losing-hair issue.

julian + jen said...

hair loss and pjs are actually much more motherly then suits and earings...

Monica LeMoine said...

Ha ha! Thanks for that insight, Julian + Jen! Very good to know.

BLOWL said...

Totally am with you on the amount of hair loss I have while in the shower and when brushing my hair. You'd think I would be bald at this point, but nope....still got a full head of very thick black hair.
p.s. I haven't posted before but have been reading for a few months. I'm a two consecutive miscarriage survivor awaiting to become a first time mom.

Monica LeMoine said...

BLOWL - Thanks for commiserating about the lost hair. It really is astounding. You're already on the KuKd Kool Survivor List, what with two miscarriages and a baby...on the way? Or are you Trying to Get Knocked Up?

I'm sorry about your losses, BLOWL.