Greetings, Pregnancy Pee-Stick Hoarders and Inquisitive Guests!
So, you've been feeling a little nauseous lately? Craving chop suey with a side of kimchee? A bit on the fatigued side? Detecting some fluttery movement in the abdomen? Belly ever-so-slightly more distended than usual?
Sorry to break it to you, but you're halluc-i-knocking, and all of those symptoms are mere halluciknock-tions. Pull up a chair and take out your composition books, boys and girls. It's time to write down our new KuKd Word:
HALLUC-I-KNOCK (ha-LOO-sin-ock) - Hallucinate + knocked. The act of being completely convinced that one is knocked up, even though one isn't. Halluciknock (v), halluciknocktion (n), halluciknocktional (adj).
Characterized by imagi-nausea, phantom phatigue, fake food cravings, false flutters, and a bogus burgeoning belly.
As usual, a related anecdote (you don't think these words spring out of nowhere, do you?): During the second half of a particular month in the not-too-distant past, I was halluciknocking to the full extent of the law. It was like someone had snuck LSD into my flax flakes. I was exhibiting all of the classic halluciknocktional symptoms outlined above: the waves of nausea followed by intense excitement (THIS IS IT!), the belly flutter (I had no idea a recently fertilized egg could actually KICK, but I'll go with it for now...), everything.
And then, like that ice cold shower bringing me down my glittery rainbow halluciknocktional high, look who showed up three days early:
That's right: the Obnoxious Red-Clad Aunt. You know who I'm talking about.
And with that, my halluciknocktion came crashing to a halt. Now I know better - and I ain't falling for all those symptoms next time.