Greetings, Guests and Mommas!
Here's a rather typical conversation I had with K the other day. Has anyone else engaged in this kind of discourse?
M (After Coming Home from the Tavern): "We should try the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor. You pay a few hundred bucks, pee on a stick a bunch of times, and get pregnant within one month. My friend G found me on Facebook and told me I should totally do it."
K: "Let's not and say we did."
M: "But, it got five hundred fifty-four five-star reviews on Amazon. Everyone who uses that thing seems to pop out a baby ten months later. Don't you think that's worth the money?"
K: "Sounds stressful to me. Let's just do the SLOT method (Screw Lots Of Times). It worked twice before."
M: "But at least then we'd know when exactly to SLOT, and you wouldn't run out of sperm."
K: "I don't think that'll happen. Just relax."
Okay. So, I know he's right. Taking that step of actually PURCHASING the Clearblue Fertility Monitor means admitting that:
a) I really want to get knocked up. This is an impossible thing for me to admit outright, because confessing desire means confessing vulnerability. Doesn't it?
b) To the point where, I'm willing to bank money, time, energy, and urine on a precarious hope for the future. That's money that could otherwise be spent on a Brazilian steak dinner and strong mohitos; that is, spent on living in the here and now, which I strongly, strongly, strongly believe in - but sometimes have trouble actually doing just that.
The whole point of this post is to issue a product suggestion to the makers of Clearblue. Hey, Clearblue CEO: why don't you make a Clearblue Insanity Monitor, a Clearblue Time Monitor, a Clearblue Money Monitor, Clearblue Happiness Monitor, to go along with your Fertility Monitor. If you could fit those things into the package, I might - just might - get K to go along with it.