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Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Clearblue Insanity Monitor

Greetings, Guests and Mommas!

Here's a rather typical conversation I had with K the other day. Has anyone else engaged in this kind of discourse?

M (After Coming Home from the Tavern): "We should try the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor. You pay a few hundred bucks, pee on a stick a bunch of times, and get pregnant within one month. My friend G found me on Facebook and told me I should totally do it."

K: "Let's not and say we did."

M: "But, it got five hundred fifty-four five-star reviews on Amazon. Everyone who uses that thing seems to pop out a baby ten months later. Don't you think that's worth the money?"

K: "Sounds stressful to me. Let's just do the SLOT method (Screw Lots Of Times). It worked twice before."

M: "But at least then we'd know when exactly to SLOT, and you wouldn't run out of sperm."

K: "I don't think that'll happen. Just relax."

Okay. So, I know he's right. Taking that step of actually PURCHASING the Clearblue Fertility Monitor means admitting that:

a) I really want to get knocked up. This is an impossible thing for me to admit outright, because confessing desire means confessing vulnerability. Doesn't it?

b) To the point where, I'm willing to bank money, time, energy, and urine on a precarious hope for the future. That's money that could otherwise be spent on a Brazilian steak dinner and strong mohitos; that is, spent on living in the here and now, which I strongly, strongly, strongly believe in - but sometimes have trouble actually doing just that.

The whole point of this post is to issue a product suggestion to the makers of Clearblue. Hey, Clearblue CEO: why don't you make a Clearblue Insanity Monitor, a Clearblue Time Monitor, a Clearblue Money Monitor, Clearblue Happiness Monitor, to go along with your Fertility Monitor. If you could fit those things into the package, I might - just might - get K to go along with it.


sharonvw said...

I'd definitley by the Money Monitor, the Sanity Monitor and the Happiness Monitor. Because I think I'm running low on all of them!
Great suggestions Mon!!!!
P.S. its ok to admit vulnerability around us, we're just as f*@#$ up & scared as you are! :-)

Cara said...

Well - if that isn't a PSA then I don't know what is!

I, too, struggle with balancing my attention on the here and now vs. the past or future. So important, but the others call to me...loudly!

Michelle said...

It took me so long to go to an RE because I knew there was a problem but I did not want confirmation of that problem because then I could live in that wonderful place called DE - NILE.

I really would like all those monitors.

You know I never really thought of it but my sister bought one after trying for something like 9 months and then got pregnant. And then pregnant again. I don't think she used it so maybe you just need to have it your house...HMMM maybe I just need to get that in my house. Why didn't I think of this sooner. Thanks. :)

*~*Lis*~* said...

I never wanted to cough up the money for a monitor - but I did buy one of those special temp taking things so you know if you ovulated. I could never remember to use the stupid thing so it just collected dust until we went IVF anyway. I just threw it out a few weeks back - no idea why I kept it so long, it never would have done me any good anyway.

chicklet said...


Monica LeMoine said...

Shaz: Okay, I won't be afraid to admit it. I keep forgetting I'm in good company.

Cara: yes, the elusive "here and now." When will we ever get there.

Michelle: OK, go for it. I'll get one if you get one.

Lis: That thing sounds totally bogus. I think I"d rather spend the big bucks for the thing that supposedly really works.

Chicket: get up off that floor, girl!