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Sunday, February 1, 2009

I Really Don't Like It When...

1) I'm trying to toss a salad in a bowl that's too small. When I toss a salad, I like to do it with gusto, scraping the bottom the bowl to get all of the chopped goodies sufficiently coated in dressing. There's nothing like oil-and-vinegar-coated leaves of lettuce hopping over the sides of the bowl and getting stuck to the counter and floor, ignored by the dog, who doesn't do lettuce.

2) I tell a KuKd sister that I sometimes wish I were a mom, and they insist on assuring me that I AM a mom. It makes me feel pressured to go along with the shenanigans and say the right thing, like: "Oh yes, thanks for reminding me. I'm a mom. Now I feel better." It's not that I never feel like a mom. As I've said before, sometimes I feel like one and sometimes I don't. Being a stillbirth mom so defies our normal cultural definition of "motherhood," that I have trouble jumping on that train without any reservation. It's kind of like living in a wooden shack, and somebody telling me I live in a mansion. These sorts of mental shifts take time.

3) People try to force me to smile when they take my picture. I seriously don't like that. My mom does that all the time - "Smile, honey! Come on, smile!" - and I end up with a wholly unattractive, brittle smile with undertones of irritation. My friend KD has a beautiful, natural smile and perfect teeth. She is smiling in every picture I've ever seen of her, so she must be good at smiling on command. I'm not. My favorite pictures of myself are ones where somebody took the shot while I was already naturally laughing at something.

4) I bite into a mealy apple or nectarine, especially one that I've paid a bunch for at Pike Place Market or Whole Foods. Gross! Who likes mealy fruit? Anyone on this over-populated earth?

5) Measuring out Crisco - vegetable shortening, for those international readers who might not have Crisco - for recipes. What a gloopy, gloppy pain. And so hard to wash measuring cups with Crisco residue, what with the sponge turning into a Crisco-coated rectangle of uselessness.

6) Flipping through the radio stations on my 30-minute drive home from work, and coming across nothing - literally, astoundingly NOTHING - worth listening to. Just some tired classic rock (and not even songs I can get into), a bit of jazz (not the good kind, but the porn-movie background kind with lots of cheezy saxophone), obnoxious talk shows, a Miley Cyrus song here and there, and - on NPR - the Tuesday gardening show. What gives? This happened to me last week.

7) People having too many babies. I won't go into the octuplet thing again - it's a bit over-talked already - but COME ON, PEOPLE!

Any others to add?

Coming soon - the Steel Worker Boyfriend and more.


'Murgdan' said...

Aaaagh. The salad bowl gets me every time. And the smiling...that gets me too.

Michelle said...

I hate it when people feel the need to correct me on things like, when I say something like "xyz happened 2 hours ago" and the they say "no it was like 2.5 hours ago". Really? that 30 minutes makes a big deal to the!

I work in a tall building and have to take the elevator (well I guess I don't have to but thats a whole other thing) anyway, at the beginning of the day or at the end of the day I hate it when people (perfectly able bodied people) get on the elevator to go to or from the 2nd floor. Couldn't you walk the one flight of stairs? This only drives me nuts at the beginning and the end of the day.

P.s. Thanks for your comments. I really do appreciate them...really! Also, no need to worry not going to do any wrist slitting. :)

Hope's Mama said...

I am totally hearing you on number 2. Drives me crazy really. As right now I feel like anything but a mother. And look! I even call myself one to try and drum it in. I don't know who I am, really...
Hmm, you have inspired me to make a big salad for dinner though!

sharonvw said...

I really don't like it when I do my business on the loo and go to unravel some loo paper only to discover that Mister has kindly left me one tiny little block. Its MY pet hate!
And your point number to gets to me too because despite all my mc's were in the first tri everyone loves to remind me I'm a mother. Ja whatever, I just don't get to love and cuddle a child! So thanks for that!

Barbara said...

I really don't like it when people use the word disappointment to describe the loss of mine or any baby.

I also really don't like it when I overcook pasta to the point where it's not at all al dente but more al squidgy and if I were a real cook I'd start again.

The mother thing, yeah I am and you are, but...


Viktoria said...

1. I have a tendancy to fill whatever size container I'm using leaving no room for tossing. I think I just like things to look full.
2. Ugh! I struggle with this too.
3. LOL My mom says in all my school photos I'm giving the photographer stink-eye and a fake smile. Candid shots are always best.
4. Ick.
5. Try the water displacement method. Example: if you need 1/2cup shortening fill a liquid measuring cup with 1/2 cup cold water, then add shortening until the water reaches 1 cup, pour off the water and you'll have 1/2 cup shortening with less mess. To make clean up easier use VERY hot water before applying sponge. Better yet switch to butter. Mmmmmmm... butter!
6. I don't miss high school but I miss listening to the radio for hours in high school. Now stations suck.
7. Dido. WTF?

Brenna said...

I'm actually a decent picture-smiler, but a definite YES to everything else!

I haven't been able to write about #7 either because it's too hard to type while shaking my fists in fury at the sky yelling, "WHY, for the love of g-d, WHY???!"

Monica LeMoine said...

Murgdan, glad you agree.

Michelle, OMG - I totally get the detail-correction thing. Irritating!

Hope's Mama - good, enjoy that salad. Use a gigantic bowl.

Shaz: yeah, um, I'm actually guilty of doing that to K. I know it's not his favorite habit of mine.

Barbara - yeah, "understatement" is an understatement to describe the use of the word "disappointment" for kukd.

Viktoria - OMG - I LOVE that water displacement method! When if first read it, I didn't get it. Then I took a nap and came back and read it. That time, I got it, and it makes perfect sense.

Brenna - yeah, good ol' number seven. The most annoying of the annoying.

jen said...

you know, veggie shortening comes in sticks. you can just cut off the amount you need. no need for the gross tub...

cori said...

i was going to recommend the crisco sticks too...much better.

my pet peeve - getting stuck driving behind mini-vans. they are ugly and invariably are driven by people who drive too slow or won't take right turns at red lights.

oh, and while i love most all dogs...i kinda hate beagles. not really cute and have tendencies to howl at nothing.