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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Marvelous Misoprostol!

Greetings, KuKd Strong Mommas and Inquisitive Guests!

Thank you, again, for your brilliantly kind words.

One of my least favorite things about this was having to be faced with options. That is, being forced to THINK about something. It's not that I don't like thinking; it's just that in this case, what I really wanted to do was lie on the sofa, sip wine, let Kevin pull my toes apart (one of the strange things I take pleasure in, although it makes my friend KD cringe in horror), and pretend this whole thing never happened.

If only I lived in a forest tribe or a rural developing part of the world, where I wouldn't HAVE any options to choose from! I would have plodded happily along until one day - boom! - I'd start bleeding, and I'd know right away because that something was wrong, and it would all come out of me, and it would be over. There would be lots of elderly tribal women around to slather me with ancient wisdom about this occurrence, and boil me teas made from special leaves. In the end, I wouldn't be fretting and blogging and philosophizing over it; I would just go on with my life, accepting that there are things beyond my control, lugging buckets of water up from the river and milking cows, and doing other developing-rural-parts-of-the-world types of activities. I'd be kind of sad, but ultimately accepting of Mother Nature's plan and then we'd try again. Wouldn't I?


But not here. No, no, no. Things aren't so easy in the modern Western world. Why should they be easy, when we have Google and forums and websites and -yes- blogs, and fretful (not to mention oh-so-informed) mothers and friends and colleagues and neighbors who read those forums and websites and blogs, plus doctors and nurses and specialists of various sorts, all spewing forth options upon options upon options, reasons upon reasons, questions upon questions, advice upon advice, forcing us to think, and ultimately choose? Nope, there's no just hanging out in the back yard and picking daisies when something like this happens. There's no ignoring the force of the modern advice-and-reasons-and-questions-and-options complex.

My options were,in a nutshell:

1)The Good Person, Earth Loving, Organic Free-Range Method for People of Stellar Character, Astonishing Patience, and a Strong Connection to & Appreciation For the Natural World, Unlike Those Materialistic Orange County Bank CEO Wives Living in McMansions and Driving SUVS and Spending Five Hundred Bucks for Hair Highlights While Impoverished Inner-City Children Kill Each Other Method (sometimes known as the Too Lazy to Make a Decision Method): just let myself miscarry naturally.

My thoughts on this method: well, if I knew it would take a day or two, or even a week, okay. But then you look at stories like this: what if that little innocent-seeming gestational sac grows to melon-sized proportions before your gullible old body figures out it's been had? Sorry dude, but this belly does not need and extra assistance in being...shall we say...rotund.

2) The Knife-Happy, Ultra-Invasive, Quick-n-Easy, Down-n-Dirty Method: the D&C. It's like the miscarriage version of planning a C-section "just because it feels better."

My thoughts on this method: I did think about it briefly, but when the doctor warned me that it could cause things like tearing or scarring or poking or bleeding or other undelightful things, I decided against it. So what if it's "rare" for such bad things to happen. The word "rare" doesn't mean much to me anymore. Stillbirth is "rare." KuKdX3 is "rare." So screw that word.

and finally...

3) The Middle Ground, a Little-Less-Scary-and-Invasive-Seeming-Yet-Not-Totally-
Hippy-Dippy-Natural Method: Marvelous Misoprostol!

Ahh, Misoprostol. Four happy, innocent little octagon-shaped pills with what looks like a Roman emperor's head engraved on the front of each one. All you do is take them in the prescribed method, which I won't divulge here, wait a while for it to kick in, load up on pain meds, and boom: mass exodus of that damn blighted ovum and its peripheral accessory gunk. Easy!

I chose this benign-seeming option, pleased to not be living in a forest tribe so that I actually HAD this option, and happy to have an excuse to stay home in my pajamas, watch movies all day, and be excused from doing any errands or chores. Sort of like having a wicked hangover on Saturday morning. It was even a bit of cold and drizzly day, perfect for cozying up in the TV room with some butter popcorn.

It wasn't until minutes AFTER I took the pills (of course) that I read the instructions packet, which I didn't think needed reading, since my doctor had told me (I thought) all I needed to know. It was then that I read that Misoprostol isn't so innocent after all. The warning packet said something to the effect of, and I'm paraphrasing here:

BY THE WAY, NOW THAT MISOPROSTOL IS INSIDE OF YOUR BODY AND BEING ABSORBED, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT CAN CAUSE HORRIBLY NASTY INFECTIONS, EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA, PROJECTILE VOMITING, CRAMPS THAT FEEL LIKE DEREK JETER IS WHACKING YOUR PELVIS WITH AN ALUMINUM BASEBALL BAT, AND UTERINE RUPTURE THAT WILL MAKE YOUR INSIDES TO LEAK OUT BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND PREVENT YOU FROM EVER HAVING CHILDREN EVER IN YOUR LIFE, EVER. IN FACT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT FOR EVEN TAKING THIS STUFF, BUT NOW THAT YOU'VE DONE IT, THERE'S NO GOING BACK. DAMN, I'M SURE GLAD I'M JUST A PAID TECHNICAL WRITER IN THE MEDICAL FIELD, WORKING OUT OF SOME DREARY OFFICE BUILDING IN NEW JERSEY, AND NOT YOU. I'D HATE TO BE YOU, STUCK TAKING MISOPROSTOL LIKE SOME HAPLESS FOOL. YOUR LIFE SUCKS. CALL YOUR DOCTOR IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS.

As of today, everything has been "expelled" as planned, and none of the above has happened, that I know of. See - I told you the odds would swing back in my favor at some point. ;-)

11 comments:

'Murgdan' said...

I don't really want to say 'hooray for this going right for you'...because I'm still really sad that you had to choose from either of the above 3 shitty options...but if it had to be, and apparently it did...I'm glad you at least didn't have any explosive diarrhea or projectile vomiting...or projectile diarrhea and explosive vomiting...

Anonymous said...

Hooray for keeping your insides inside. And be nice to technical writers. Some of us are nice people! :)

sharonvw said...

Glad it went as planned and that its over now. My last mc we decided to go the natural route. What a f%^& up! Six weeks of bleeding followed by 80 days of no periods followed by lots of blood tests and meds to get everything working again!

leahjane8 said...

I'm so glad to hear it went well. You were due for SOMETHING going right. Even if that thing was technically something going wrong.

I refrained from mentioning how mine resolved itself as it is not a pretty story. I got to go through all 3 of the options - natural didn't work fast enough and my nurse didn't want to risk infection waiting too long, misoprostol didn't get it all (although I really could not understand how that was true - I'm sure you know what I mean), so I had to finish up with option 2. Ironically, that empty gestational sac held on for as long as it could. My nurse told me how sorry she was and how "this NEVER happens." It made for a pretty miserable 3 weeks.

Sorry that this comment became all about me. Hang in there - drink some wine and have fun with that toe thing.

Natalie said...

Oh yes, misoprostol can be quite nasty. I was surprized to learn they prescribe it for miscarriages, since it's pretty powerful stuff. But I am very glad none of the above happened to you and that it did what it was supposed to.

Barbara said...

Sometimes it would be nice to hear, "this is what we are going to do". Rather than something like, "these are your choices now that you're about to lose your baby and even though you're in pain and emotionally wrecked we need a decision now." "nice" not really being the best word to chose here but you get what I mean.

Glad your insides are still inside but still sending another fuckshit for your loss.

xxx

Brenna said...

Oof! That was a hard post to read. I've never had to make the choice of how to expel something from my body like that, and I just can't imagine. (I say how to expel "something"--but what makes it even worse is that you were expelling a little piece of a dream right there!) I'm glad that at least the results weren't violent and the miserable little pills got the job done.

I nominated you for an Honest Scraps award, which I'm sure you've been nudged for many times over, but I can't think of anyone out there who blogs more honestly and from the heart than you do.

Viktoria said...

I love your list of judgements for option #1. Made me laugh, thanks. KuKd is a series of bad options, and the hits just keep coming. I try not to read medical warnings for just the reason you describe - it's lawyers covering their asses by scaring the crap out of us. I wish I was closer 'cause I'd be on my way over with brownies. oxoxoxo

Michelle said...

Wow that is quite a list of crap! I am glad that it did not happen to you but still scary to read that after the fact. Don't you just love how dr like to leave "little" things like that out. I wish you didn't even have to make those choices. Sending you hugs!!!!

Rebecca said...

As someone who works in the reproductive health field internationally, I have to just point out that miso is quite safe, and actually enables women the world over to make decisions about their bodies that traditionally have not been available to them.

That said, it totally sucks to ever have to take it. I had to prior to my hysteroscopy because my cervix was closed freakishly tight, and it helped to "prep" it for surgery.

Let's face it, it all blows, and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

amylynn said...

At least it's over now and it wasn't too terrible. Miso can be rough, it was for me. I hope you are doing well