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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hallucinations

Howdy, Readers!


It's another one of those hallucinatory weeks, I guess.

You know that last post I did? The one about KuKd and marriage? Well, apparently I totally made that whole thing up. My apologies. Either that, or it's just further proof that my brain exists on a separate planet from Kevin's, a planet swirling with imaginary clouds of drama and evil little mice whose primary function is to run around and stir up anxiety inside my brain.

The other day, we had a conversation that went something like this, as Kevin scanned the ESPN website on his laptop (primarily paying attention to me, of course - just halfheartedly glancing through the scores out of habit):

Me: "I did a blog post about patching up cracks in our relationship."

K: "What cracks?"

Me: "You know, all of our relationship problems. Like the fact that I haven't been paying enough attention to your job woes. The fact that were aren't totally clinging to each other as we used to. The fact that I have other friends at work and go out for beers with them, without you. The fact that I can't seem to keep the house clean! The fact that I'm not a good, clingy wife! All of those things bother you, remember?"

K: "They do? Hmm. That's news to me. Oh, sweet!"

Me: "Sweet? Sweet what?"

K: "The Mariners won five to three."

Me: "Kevin! This is serious! So you mean, nothing's bothering you about our relationship? You aren't wishing I were sitting at home staring at the door in a French maid outfit each night and a fresh prime-rib dinner already made?"

K: "Nothing's bothering me. You're overthinking. Not that the French made outfit with prime-rib wouldn't be half bad. Fuck."

Me: "Fuck? Fuck what?" (thinking, in a state of mild panic, that he just remembered that big thing that's been bothering him lately)

K: "We're gonna be out of town when the Mariners play Chicago."

Sigh.


14 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

Ahhh, men. Gotta love em, don't ya?

Heather said...

It is quite possible that our hubsters are related.

wifey said...

That's like a page out of my life! I wrote a post not too long ago and I guess I completely misstated what my hubby said regarding our latest loss. He promptly corrected me (in a comment on the blog, no less).

I think it's amazing that we can so misread the people who have the most at stake in our journeys.

Tina said...

LOL...This is so funny (well not really!) I can totally relate! My husband often gets irritated with me because I turned something he said into something other than what he meant. Gotta love em!!
xx,
Tina

Mirne said...

Oh yeah. Apparently I sometimes have entire conversations with Craig BY MYSELF. I must imagine some of our conversations, because he denies we ever had them!!!

Sophie said...

Sigh... Men!

sharonvw said...

What's that they say??? Men are from mars........

Amy said...

Men! I wonder about that other sex we love so much. Where are there brains? Oh yeah - sports center! Forget talking to my DH if cycling is on - the Tour de France is presently occuring and once he zones in I might as well be talking to a rock.

AnnaMarie said...

Too funny. Glad to hear that things are not as bad as you worried.

Michelle said...

LOL Men and women are SO DIFFERENT!

Lachlan's Mum said...

Thank you for the laugh, this post is really funny! :)

Me said...

Welcome to communicating with men! Fuck...I missed the M's game tonight.

Faith&Alex'sMum said...

Hey Monica just found your blog through links on another KuKd sister's website, I have to say it is freakin' awesome! But being KuKd is NOT. I am KuKd x2, one in 2006, one this year. Anyways just wanted to say thanks for writing, it's touching and hilarious and I am totally hooked. I don't care where I am in the world, I will continue following until you either decide to finish up or have a live baby!! I have to see how the story goes.
Love your KuKd sister
Rosie
from Australia

the misfit said...

You know, I think they *do* notice problems (about 20% of the time they actually exist), but could pass a lie detector test stating that they have no marital issues if the question is phrased in that way. They don't *analyze.* Or, something. They're a strange breed.