Sorry for the double-whammy, two-day-in-a-row posting spree. Overwhelming, I know. Fear not; there will be a several-day hiatus after this as I turn my brain away to other things for a few days.
First, track 2-3 of the KuKd Folk Music Series have been oh-so-professionally recorded using my extra special sound equipment (aka: cheap digital camera balanced on top of a stack of notebooks) and are now available. There are 4 total songs floating around in my head - and I'm thinkin' that's PO-LENTY for getting my point(s) across. Track 4 will emerge later on. After that, I'm betting I will have scraped all dead-baby-related musical configurations out of my system and be ready to move onto other topics. From then on, it's going to be odes to Cosco, an anti-arm-fat campaign tune, and other musical randomness as I continue to brush up on my guitar twanging skills.
A bit of background on these tracks. Each of 1 through 3 presents a very different angle, I guess you could call it - a different thought pattern that did/does go through my head at some point during my KuKd journey. Track 1 was very much about the baby, and Track 4 will be too. Messages to him, I suppose; to all of our lost babies living up in the Baby Heaven Penthouse.
Tracks 2-3, what I'm posting here, are very much about me, and not so much about the baby. Because really - going back to that empty tee-pee syndrome, what's left when the baby is gone? YOU. Or in this case, me. You're sitting there blind-sided and you have to just deal with it. No crying baby to distract you, sorry.
As for me, I spent a lot of time dealing with the void by turning my focus inward, back to me - and not always in a good and productive way. I started assaulting my body with more caffeine and booze than I know to be healthy - and still do. I also threw myself headfirst into all sorts of random, time-consuming, wholly me-focused and unnecessary projects (you're lookin' at one of them, dahling), putting up a wall of forced bravado that lingers to this day. Really, I couldn't imagine being not fine forever, so I told myself all sorts of stories about really being fine - about how I wasn't meant to be a mother anyway (yes, the very things we don't allow OTHERS to tell us. As I've said before, I think self-ASSvice is acceptable; isn't it?).
Hence these tunes.
TRACK 2: "What I Told Myself"
Track 3: "Coffee and Vino"
Enjoy, or don't enjoy. Either way, OH, AND HEY! You know that Knockalicious Blogs tab at the top? Look up there. See it? Yeah, that. That's a big old list of cool blogs and websites that I haven't updated in a while. I'd like to actually organize those things by topic, and add more to the list. I've gotten a few requests lately for that - and what the hey, why not.
SO, if you'd like your blog/website to be added there, E-MAIL ME at monica at exhalezine dot com, and up it will go. It can be knockalicious in anyway, but should relate (even tenuously) to...well, ya know...whatever the hell this blog is about. So, no cooking blogs or hairy-male-butt-photo-gallery blogs.