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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Feeling Small

Dear Male Fetus Causing my Torso to Swell (MFCTS):

This week, you will go on a field trip to the Fetal Medicine department to have exotic machines pressed up against the roof of your current dwelling. We will get to watch colored waves of whatever move toward and away from our your heart in green, red and blue spurts of tiny dots. Those green, red and blue spurts of dots will get transferred to a moving line on monitor, which we will stare at dumbly alongside a bunch of people who are WAAAAYYYY smarter than you and me combined. And from that monitor, a bunch of crazy numbers will be generated, which will be charted and reviewed by even SMARTER people, if you can imagine. And then, someone will call us into a fluorsecent-lit room and tell us you're either okay, or you're not.

Why go through all of this? Well, look downward. See that tiny clump of appendages? Those are called your penis-n-balls, otherwise known as your Package, otherwise known as your Family Jewels. Cherish them, because they could end up getting you lots of girls in the future and possibly even a starring role in a porn flick. On the other hand, feel free to hate them, because they are what makes you a Male Fetus. And because you are a Male Fetus, you have high odds of being the keeper of an X-linked genetic heart problem. X-linked means it came from me, a fact about which you can give me flak for later (just know that for every bit of flak that you give, I'll put one dollar less in your college savings fund).

So, the machine pressed against the top roof of your current dwelling is simply something that the smarter-than-us people said we need to do, to check to see how the waves of whatever are going in and out of your heart. We'll do it now, and several times in the future - so get used to it.

Goodness, how terribly I, and everyone in our cautious family, want the news to be: everything is okay. If it's not, the contingency plan is to ditch work for a week, fly to wherever, and try to imagine life without you. Right now, as hard as I'm trying to be cautious about your existence, you're a part of my life - and I hope you stay.

Feeling small, like a tiny, teensy part of a huge world with tetonic plates and other natural forces that move beyond my control. Hopefully they won't push my family over again, swallow us up.

Arright, MFCTS! Machine coming to the roof of your house very soon - get ready! ;-)

23 comments:

jen said...

holy fuck. fingers crossed for a thumbs up.

therootofallevel said...

i'll be demanding good news for you guys.

Kristen said...

I've been thinking about you guys all day. I crossed my toes today too, in case the finger crossing wasn't enough. Good news. Good news. Good news. Sending lots of good news vibes your way.

Megan said...

I can't even imagine...good luck.

aliza said...

endless wishes and fingers crossed for all good news! that this beautiful male fetus gets to grow big and strong and put those family jewels to good use...when the time is right.
xox

Hope's Mama said...

Oh, Monica. Thinking of you. Keep us posted. I just want him to be ok.
xo

Kahla said...

Thinking of you and waiting for the good news... which it will be

Chris said...

Go ace your test, MFCTS!

Brenna said...

Hope this road bump is receding into the distance before you can blink! Be well, Mister MFCTS!

Being Me said...

Very, very hopeful for you guys.

Barbara said...

Thinking of you and willing him to be ok.

xxx

gwinne said...

I'm thinking good thoughts for you, Kevin, and the Male Fetus.

Parenthood For Me said...

I too am sending so many good vibes your way.

Karen said...

So, so, so hoping that all is well for this little man and his mumma and dad. Thinking of you and sending all good thoughts and wishes your way.

Sharon said...

Dude! It HAS to be good news, you've had enough shit for this life time!
Will be holding my breath till we hear so please don't want too long to post an update!!
(((hugs)))

Rach said...

Hoping for good news for you.

Pundelina said...

Oh my, I am thinking of you and will continue to do so until you post more news. And I really really really hope that this baby has escaped the X-linked nightmares.

((hugs))

Fireflyforever said...

Just here HOPING, HOPING, HOPING like crazy for you all.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you with all my heart.

Ya Chun said...

fingers crossed - hope he got the good X!

angie said...

I hope you stay too,MFCTS. Sending much love and good vibes for the best of news.

chicklet said...

Gawd, I'm so hoping too that the news will be "everything is great".

Anonymous said...

Never left a message before. I'm just a "lurker." But, as a KUKED momma in the late stages of pregnancy #6 (1 living son, 3 miscarriages, 1 stillbirth, 1 hanging on hopefully to be born soon) who lost a little boy @ 20 weeks 1 year ago this month to heart defects (down's related), I haven't been able to stop thinking of you this week and hoping that all goes well for you. I was hoping I'd check in and see a "all's well" post at the end of the week....it is amazing how much you hope and pray that everyone else in this $h*t club just catches a break and finally gets that baby that turns out alive and healthy. Sending good juju, prayers and well-wishes.